Parenting – Page 2 – The Learning Momma

Morgan Mayhem is 3!

February 19, 2019February 27, 2019 by Ki Galvan

It’s kind of that age-old question of which came first: the chicken or the egg?

Is we Mayhem because we named him so? Or did we name him Mayhem because we knew?

It’s crazy that somehow this baby that was so deeply wanted and prayed for, literally for years is three years old. All those years of longing for him seemed like eternity, and yet the years we’ve been so blessed to have with him have utterly flown by.

He is such a fun little guy. He is full of more zest and spitfire and energy with a touch of cray cray than I ever could have predicted. And I was predicting he’d be a hand full as is.

He is a chupi-lover and doesn’t seem to be parting with that anytime soon. And J and I have made our peace with that. We wouldn’t throw out a stuffie he was deeply attached to and brought him significant comfort; we won’t do that with his pacifier, even though we always said we wouldn’t have a “big baby” with a pacifier. Oh, and is this three year old of ours so big! How humbling parenting is.

Sweet M has had such an epic third year of life. He went from beach-living on Oahu, to traipsing through Europe for a month, to moving to the Midwest.

He’s got the little brother role down pat, and is utterly attached to his big sister. He loves his big brother, but probably loves driving him crazy even more. Whoops.

And he’s learning how to be a helpful big brother to his little sister. He adores her to pieces, but is definitely having a harder time as she progresses into toddlerhood. He definitely still sees her as a baby, and wants her to be so (he is very excited to be getting another baby sibling this summer!). But he also loves her ability to play with him, and he adores teaching her new things.

He is pretty obsessed with play dough and board games. And books. So many, many books.

He loves helping his papa cook. Maybe because he seems to love eating as much as his momma.

He is starting life as a 3 year old with cool, blue glasses, and bunch of missing curls. Although I want nothing more than to turn back the clock and keep him tiny, I’m so grateful that I get to watch him grow into such a fun, creative, and spunky little boy.

When Motherhood is Lonely

February 10, 2019February 10, 2019 by Ki Galvan

I don’t have rose-colored glasses (or rainbow ones, either!) on when I recall our time in Hawaii. I’m well aware that as much sunshine and rainbows that were there, it wasn’t in all the moments.

There was red dirt that ruined all of our clothes. The August heat and lack of air conditioner made me consider skipping the island before we’d hardly had the chance to know it. The traffic is insane. The cost of living is outrageous. Rats and cockroaches are a thing. Legitimately. And have nothing to do with the cleanliness of your home. And the house itself? It was 800 square feet for a whole lot of us.

But, you know what else was there?

We had a huge yard with a coconut tree (home of said rats). So we had fresh coconuts at our disposal. A plumeria tree in the front of our house that was perfect for climbing and swinging. And the view? That view of Diamond Head and Waikiki was killer. With a weekly fireworks show just for us that we could watch out our living room window on Friday nights.

We were always hiking and climbing and playing. And the beach. I didn’t think I was a “beach person” until living in Hawaii. Until that was a part of our daily lives. I crave the ocean now. The waves, the sea salt, the sand between my toes. It visits me in so many of my dreams now that I know its woven into the threads of my soul whether I like it or not.

But the best part? It was the community. The people. The ones I knew and loved intimately and the ones I passed in the grocery store. The uncles who sang songs to my fussy toddler while we waited in the grocery line, or slipped him a piece of candy. The aunties who watched my kids at the beach as vigilantly as I watched theirs, and loved mine nearly as much as I love them myself. The people who made motherhood a beautiful experience even during the most challenging of times.

The mommas who passed clothes and shoes down onto my kiddos, who piled into tiny houses with gaggles of kids running around, who broke bread and fed each other and never questioned or expected anything in return, even though it often came tenfold.

Not once in Hawaii did the sentiment of “motherhood is lonely” cross my mind. And that had been the only sentiment of motherhood that had been steadfast from the moment I brought my first baby into this world.

I thought motherhood was meant to be done in isolation. I thought it was a sacrifice you made. You spent your days alone, with your children, and that was that. If you wanted to be with your children you didn’t get to have anything else. Know anyone else. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too, you know?

And that’s how it is here. That’s what I know best. Occasional dinners with friends, but not the daily friendships and community of mothers working together. Teaching, raising, disciplining, loving all their children together in a community where no one is ever alone unless they wish to be.

I think I would have been content if we hadn’t lived a different life, a different way. I think if I’d never known that it could have been different, I would have made a way to be at peace with the way our modern, western society says motherhood must be.

But I know. I know different now. I know better now. I watched not only my children, but myself thrive in a different way of life. And once you go from thriving back to just surviving, it’s soul crushing.

Don’t get me wrong, we don’t sit around lamenting what is no longer. Not all the time anyway. It’s in the small moments that it’s so evident what we’re lacking. And in those small moments when I find myself struggling to help find ways for my children to best thrive in this life scenario, without also teaching them that I agree with the livelihood or lack thereof that is the rat race; the “keeping up with Joneses.”

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Motherhood is weird. A time and place where you have so many thoughts and so many desires, and at the end of the day they don’t matter because the focus and intent is so centralized on what is best for your children in order for them to thrive and grow as well-rounded, happy, empathetic humans (as it should be, and the only way I would have it be).

And sometimes, depending on where you are, that just means that motherhood is lonely.

Book Lovers, and the End of B&N

January 14, 2019February 27, 2019 by Ki Galvan

Since Miss H was a baby we’ve been going to our local Barnes and Noble story time on Wednesdays.

We have a routine that includes coffee, cookies, and lots of books. What more could anyone ever want?

The story time is fairly epic. We’ve been to other Barnes and Noble story times in other towns, and they never quite compare. Ms. C who runs story time here always has 2-3 books to read to the kids. They get a delicious snack. And always have fantastic crafts to create afterward that go along with the stories. None of this coloring sheet business. There is glue and stickers and glitter and yarn. It is worthwhile.

And Ms. C knows all the kids. She remembers them by name and becomes a pseudo-grandma. H even wrote to her while we lived on Oahu and Ms. C wrote back. She’s just that loved and loveable.

Needless to say, hearing that Barnes and Noble is closing mid-February was a bit gut wrenching. Hormones probably don’t help the situation, but I just cannot imagine my parenting journey without this weekly tradition of coffee and train tables and books.

Yes, of course, we have the library, but it’s different. This is more homey and personal and just an overall different vibe.

It’s been a good run, and it will be sorely missed. I’m sad that the babies have such a short experience of this, and that baby Fimito will never know it. But I am so, so thankful of all the dreary Wednesdays that Barnes and Noble gave me a momma-pick-me-up during some of those loooong toddler-parenting days through out the years.

Christmas with American Girl

December 16, 2018February 27, 2019 by Ki Galvan

We have are heading west for Christmas this year to see friends and family that we haven’t seen in way too long, so we decided to celebrate Christmas at home nearly two weeks early.

I know, I know. The kids begged us to wait and celebrate in January. They insisted we hold off and were utterly heartbroken when we forced them to unwrap gifts so early.

Just kidding….maybe someone else’s kids, but not mine!

Outside of art supplies and books, we don’t really buy our kids toys year round. They’re saved for Christmas and birthdays. There are a lot of reasons for that. 1.) We have four kids. That’d add up fast. 2.) We want them to learn delayed gratification. 3.) We want them to truly enjoy the toys they have; not need a new toy high every week.

And if that’s not how you’re family rolls, that’s okay! All families are different, and that’s what makes life so fun and enjoyable. We all figure out what works best for us.

One thing Miss H has really been wanting is the American Girl Grand Hotel. I grew up as an American Girl aficionado, so it’s definitely an interest I love to cultivate in her. And I also love that at almost 9-years-old, she is still immersed in the world of imaginary play. I hope she holds onto that for a bit longer.

As a Historian, I really feel like American Girl opened up a whole world of realistic fiction for me as a kid. It’s also a company that empowers girls, so I always feel good about investing in their quality products. And Mr. B and Sweet M both also have dolls from American Girl – Mr. B has Logan and Sweet M recieved a Bitty Baby for his last birthday; it was all he wanted. So I love that a company geared toward cultivating strong females, also has space for the boys, too. It’s a win-win all around.

Needless to say that Miss H was absolutely thrilled to open her American Girl Grand Hotel on “Christmas.” And Bean was pretty excited to get in on the action, too! She can attest that the doll bed is in fact sturdy enough to withstand baby sisters. Over and over again.

H will tell you that all the the facets and details of the Hotel are her favorites, and Sweet M is pretty obsessed with the hair dryer, but as a momma of four littles who likes things tidy (I know, but we all need dreams and goals, right?), I will tell you that I especially love how nicely it all folds up so it can be put away when she’s done playing with it. Everything in the hotel has a spot, it folds up fairly compact, and can be stored away safely until she’s ready to play again.

Like all of our American Girl products, the Grand Hotel is definitely an investment I feel good in making, as it is such high quality and I know will last for years to come and be well-loved by all of my kiddos. I’m so happy we that American Girl was able to be a part of our Christmas this year!

***This post was sponsored by American Girl, but as always, thoughts and opinions are completely and genuinely mine, and I only sponsor products that we honestly adore.

The Nutcracker, and Time

December 10, 2018February 27, 2019 by Ki Galvan

One of the most challenging aspects of parenting is, without a doubt, time. Even if you only have one kiddo, there will seemingly never be enough time. Whether you’re an at home parent, you work outside the home, whatever.

Time is simply vengeful. And I find that the more kidlets we have, the more precious our time truly is. It’s hard to get very much 1:1 time. Sometimes I see it as a curse. Other times I view it as a blessing. Because my kids genuinely are so selfless. They know the world doesn’t revolve around them because they each have three other siblings and there just isn’t space or time for the world to be about them.

That doesn’t mean we don’t strive to spend 1:1 time with them. We do. Not only because they need it – of course they do! – but J and I also need and desire that time with them. It’s so special, and they are each so uniquely special and precious to us. Even though we don’t want them to be self-centered, we do want them to know that they are amazing, important, wonderful humans who are so deeply loved and cherished.

Because of the age gap between the boys (4.5 years), we often split them up as the “bigs” and “littles.” And sometimes that means we get to enjoy time with a “set” of them, as opposed to just one of them. And that’s always really fun, too!

Miss H and Mr. B both had friends performing in IU’s The Nutcracker Ballet this year, and they both wanted to attend. I had been in the past with just H, but this was the first time that both J and B also came along, and it made for such an enjoyable experience.

They were excited to get all dolled up and have a grown up night away from the babies, where they feasted on cookies and hot cocoa before the show.

They both watched the entire performance completely intrigued and devoted, even though it began at their normal bedtime (yes, yes, they do go to bed fairly early in fairness). B started to droop at the end, his little eyelids heavy, but overall I’d say it was a success, and reminiscent of our pre-M days when we attended musicals and shows with Miss H and Mr. B quite frequently.

It was a lot of fun to spot their friends dancing and recognize all the Nutcracker music the kids didn’t realize they actually all ready knew.

I love seeing what independent, selfless kiddos we are raising. I also love being with them so much it almost hurts. I never dreamt I’d just thoroughly enjoy these kids the way I do. And as time has slipped us by so quickly, funny how that happens, I hope I’m forever mindful of the time I have with them. Sure to make it quality. Sure to be present, not just there. Because they are so worth it.

A Christmas Photo

December 9, 2018February 27, 2019 by Ki Galvan

I totally had my shit together. We were up early, the kids were clean and dressed in snazzy clothes.

I had a plan!

I told them we were off to take some cute Christmas photos and then I promised them chocolate chip pancakes if we could make it through as team players.

Fountain Square mall is always so gorgeous around the holidays, and one of my fave places to take holiday pictures. We showed up with a game plan.

And the doors were locked.

…

For real. It was Sunday, not Saturday like I was thinking. Of course. So the mall doors didn’t open until noon.

I had four well-dressed, but hungry kids. And no place to take a nice photo.

Go figure.

So we left, defeated, to feed them pancakes.

I did make J pull over to the side of the road along the way to snag this photo.

And it truly is such an accurate representation of the four of them.

B with his glasses sliding down his nose, wearing his button up shirt uniform that he’s dawned since he started dressing himself as a toddler. His arm around his little brother, because even though they butt heads, he loves him something fiercely.

M with his chupi in his mouth, a huge smile on his face, looking at something else because he’s always so busy and distracted.

Bean, smiling, but totally not willing to look at the camera because she has a mind of her own and gives zero fucks about what others may want out of her. I guess, pretty much the kinda girl I want her to do be.

And Miss H. Focused. Ready to get the job done. Protectively holding her baby sister so she doesn’t leap off the age, and keeping her eye on the prize throughout. The epic oldest child.

After we feasted on pancakes, we did return to the mall later for photos with Santa and Mrs. Claus since the kids wanted to do so. There were way too many people around to take any decent photos with all the decorations, but I guess we will call it a win anyway.

Mr. B Turns SEVEN…A Month and a Half Ago…

October 18, 2018 by Ki Galvan

So, two of my kiddos have had birthdays since we’ve moved and I’ve still not even had time to fully process it.

Mr. B was insistent that he have a birthday party. And because he is kind of a middle child, and I relate to him on so many levels, it was important that we made that happen. Never mind that we were literally moving into our house (our household goods arrived on his actual birthday) and that I was doing it mostly solo because J was out of town up until the party weekend.

I decided to do a combined party for him and Bean, since I figured we should acknowledge her first birthday (I kind of thought that maybe if we pretended it wasn’t happening, then she’d stay a tiny baby forever, alas). Mr. B and Bean’s birthdays are exactly one week apart, so it worked out well. And since Bean’s only friends are in Hawaii, there was no competition on that front, ha.

Truthfully, even though it wasn’t beautiful, having a brunch birthday party for him was a fantastic was for us to get to visit with many of the friends we had missed for the past year+ while we were away; and I’ve been so non-stop busy since our move, it may not have happened if B hadn’t been so insistent.

44282977_2008648645909254_5912693485684654080_n (1).jpg — This friend even flew all the way from NYC just to see him! Okay, maybe he flew to see his wife and this was an added bonus, but either way, B was delighted!

I made life as simple as possible and outsourced the cake making to the amazing Rebecca of Stryking Events, who did a superb job. Mr. B wanted a cookie dough cake on top, and chocolate mint on bottom. So not only was the cake freaking gorgeous, it tasted divine to boot. I will hire Rebecca again and again for our party needs because she always goes above and beyond. Always.

This seriously is the best cake you’ve ever seen, isn’t it!?

My momma made this dinosaur watermelon that the kids still talk about!

Mr. B is pretty much one of the sweetest kids out there. His heart is so big and so full of good; he really give me hope for the next generation of males (sorry, the climate right now is seeping into everything). When I worry about what the future may hold for the world, I remind myself that B is going to be a part of it, so it will be okay. Eventually.

He’s an absolute cuddle bug. None of my other kids are as cuddly and lovey as B is; not even Sweet M, and that is saying a lot! He loves to study graphic novels and build Lego sets. He’s still obsessed with all things dinosaurs and Jurassic World (hence our fourth dinosaur birthday out of seven…). He loves mythology and science, and I love that loves two such fascinating and complex subjects so immensely.

He still enjoys playing his ukulele and is also slowly learning the electric guitar (please send ear plugs and coffee…just kidding. Maybe.).

He still has an amazing sense of style that puts the rest of the world to shame. I don’t know how I got such fashionable kids!

B loved Hawaii the least of everyone; he tolerated it and made some fantastic friends and memories, but he was ready to come back to the Midwest pretty much from day one. And he’s melded right back into his roll and life here and hasn’t really looked back.

I cannot wait to see what the future holds for him.

I Let My Kids Play Outside. Unsupervised.

October 10, 2018 by Ki Galvan

It’s been a long time since I’ve said something publicly and had to stop and wonder if I shouldn’t have. But I mentioned in front of another momma last week that all four of my kids play outside while I make dinner, and often after dinner while I do clean up. Alone. (And many other times too, but those are the two times they’re pretty much always out there.)

She looked uncomfortable. Like maybe I’d just confessed that I sometimes let my 8 year old drive herself to the mini mart to pick me up a 6 pack (I mean, obviously, I’m a classy lady. I’d at least ask for a proper bottle of wine, ha.)

I found myself stammering to justify it in the moment, but I probably only made it worse. And later I was kicking myself anyway. Why did I feel so compelled to try and justify my parenting (or lack there of, that’s up to you) to a semi-stranger?

Why?

Well, because we’re living in the 21st century where literally every decision is scrutinized under a microscope, and it doesn’t matter what you choose, you’re going to be wrong to someone.

Because we are living in the age of media. Where although crime has actually gone down over the decades, everyone is far more aware and terrified because all they hear is awful stories.

I’m not going to lie to you.

I have zero fears of my kids being kidnapped. Like when people say they can’t let their kids be outside alone because they may be kidnapped, that doesn’t even cross my mind. I can’t say it’s absolutely impossible, but the likelihood is so slim that it’s not even on my radar.

I do worry about them gouging each others eyes out with sticks. Or falling off of a swing and breaking their arm (been there done, that. Me, not them.) I occasionally worry that the 2.5 year old may have a temporary lapse in self-control and venture into the street after something. But he’s always out there with his older siblings, and they typically are all engaged in some deep form of play that he’d never be able to squirrel away and get as far as the road without them noticing (and he never has. And H and B simply never did, so again, not that it couldn’t happen, but it’s not a constant worry.)

I think what my children gain from free, unadulterated play is far more than they could ever gain with constant supervision, and is worth that mild risk of something going wrong. (And if we are being completely truthful here, every single injury my kids have had that landed us in the emergency room have happened with them just an arms reach or so away from me; not on their own.)

When I was a kid I can remember roaming the woods with my friends. We were as young as Mr. B; 7 years old. No adults nearby. We would roam and explore and play for hours before resurfacing for sustenance. It was beautiful and wonderful, and the type of freedom I wish for my children.

We’d get on our bikes and bike to the gas station for candy or to the playground or to the library. The world was our oyster.

But I also realize that my children aren’t privy to that sort of freedom.

We don’t have woods, and as far as I know, none of our close friends do either. If I let my children bike around town on their own, let’s be honest: someone would surely call DCS. Because that’s the world we live in these days.

So what I can give my children is a few hours in their own backyard, playing without interference from me or J; allowed to make up their own world of pretend. Allowed to make their own rules and negotiations.

Allowed to just be kids.

(And sometimes I peek through the back windows because I’m a cool, free-range momma, but I also worry like crazy because I brought those babies into this world and I want them whole and in one piece forever and ever.)

Return to the Midwest

October 2, 2018October 2, 2018 by Ki Galvan

Well, we are not in Hawaii anymore. I guess that’s obvious at this point. It was a whirlwind of an adventure. We essentially went from looking at housing that was closer to J’s work, to packing our stuff and leaving the island in less than a month. But that’s the government for you. You have to be ready at the drop of a hat.

I’m still processing the move. As are the kiddos. They’ve done awesome though. The big kids transitioned back to the Midwest with zero issues. And Bean hasn’t had any noticeable issues with it either. But for Sweet M, it has definitely been a struggle. He asks to go the beach daily. He talks about his missing friends nonstop. He’s sleeping poorly, and experiencing frequent night terrors. He’s incredibly clingy, which for him, is not the norm. He isn’t dealing with separation, even in small amounts, from anyone in his immediate family well.

But he will get there. I’m confident of that. With a lot of love and patience, he will get there. Kids are super resilient, and Sweet M is no exception. He’s the toughest little dude I know.

For everything I miss about Hawaii, there is something I love about the Midwest, and vice versa. It makes my feelings so jumbled up.

I miss the ocean. The smell of the water.

I miss my friends. My community.

But I’m glad to have space in this big ol’ house of ours for our family to expand in. And I’m thrilled to be able to afford to eat again, bahaha. Air conditioning and a dish washer is a luxury I had deeply missed. And I love the lack of traffic and the ability to drive anywhere I want.

The seasons are starting to change and I realize I missed that, too. I’m not looking forward to snow though. I didn’t miss that. Not even an incy wincy amount.

But I love that we can hang out at the playground and not sweat to death. That we can walk nearly everywhere we want to go.

I’ve brought a lot of that aloha lifestyle back with us, too.

I’m not trying to do a million things anymore. I’m embracing the less is more. H and B are doing music lessons, and that’s it. I refuse to run around on the week day evenings. We are just chill being and enjoying. Although the babies could be doing a ton all day, we are content playing with duplos and being outside, and honoring naps.

I’m not stressing out over whether or not the house is picked up and looks akin to something out of a Home and Gardens Magazine. Sorry, but not really. I just can’t do that anymore. I mean, not like it ever did in the first place, but Lord knows I stressed myself out over it.

I’m spending a lot more time by myself. Well, by myself with my kids, I’m never truly alone, ha. At first, despite being an introvert, I found that uncomfortable, but I’m really embracing it now and loving how this time gives me the space to enjoy these kiddos as they properly should be. They’re not competing for my attention with friends or activities.

I don’t know how long this season of contentment will last. I tend to always get a little stir crazy and antsy after a while. But now that we are officially moved in – though still working on unpacking and making this house ours again – I’m feeling really at peace with where we are in life right now.

It’s not Hawaii, that’s for sure. But it’s still something beautiful.

Bean is One!

September 6, 2018February 27, 2019 by Ki Galvan

Our sweet Bean is one year old. I have moments where I don’t even know how that is possible.

A year ago I was waiting on labor to truly begin, knowing it was the day I was going to meet my baby because all the signs were there, a little anxious because it wasn’t happening in the progression I was used to, and then bam! It all started and finished in less than 3 hours and I was in a birthing pool in front of our large living room window, overlooking Diamond Head and Waikiki, holding my precious girl in my arms.

It was damn near akin to magic. It was perfect and beautiful and everything I’d hoped for. And the end prize, the tiny vernixed-covered newborn of perfection, was everything I’d ever hoped for.

She’s had the most epic of first years of life.

She’s been loved on daily by aunties and their littles. She’s spent more time at the beach than many people will spend in their whole collective lives. And she’s definitely a fan of the sand and water. All. Day. Long.

She’s visited the Big Island and seen volcanoes. She’s traveled through rain forest.

She’s been whale watching.

She’s spent a weekend on Molokai.

She’s traveled through Europe. She’s been to Anne’s Frank’s memorial grave site and crawled the streets of Berlin. She’s eaten the foods of Madrid and seen the castle in Segovia. She’s played in the parks of Seville where her ancestors once lived. She’s visited the Eiffel Tour and the Louvre and Versailles. She learned to walk in London, where she also got her first pair of walking shoes.

She’s moved from an island to the Midwest.

She’s eaten fried cookie dough at the Minnesota State Fair.

If her first year foretells what her life holds for her, she’ll be a lifelong adventurer and world-traveler. There are by far worse things, I suppose.

Oh, my sweet, lovely Bean. You are so serious, so certain of what you want and when you want it. You are, of course, gorgeous. You are fun and silly, and I love the little person you all ready are.

Happiest of birthday, Freja Lu. We couldn’t have asked for a better fourth kid.