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I’m an introvert. I’m really bad at small talk, and large groups of people gives me extreme anxiety. Hell for me would be being in an auditorium full of people, forced to discuss the weather with them. 

Because of this I tend to come off as stand offish. I try really hard not to, but alas. I’m coming to terms that it’s simply who I am. 

It makes me cherish the friends I do have though. Those super close ones who more or less forced me to be their friend when I was totally content going solo but am now eternally grateful they wouldn’t let me walk away with my nose in a book. 

Those are the people I’d go to the ends of the earth for. Some of them I’ve been friends with since I was itty bitty. Others I didn’t meet until college or motherhood. They’re all invaluable. 

When you find a friend like that, the kind that’s there for the long haul; you hang on to them. 

So last year when one of H’s closest friends moved to Florida, I didn’t fret the way she did. Because I knew all ready that some friendships just cannot be hindered even with distance. 

So then this happened Tuesday night. 

My 6.5 year old and her dear friend who moved far away. Tears, y’all, tears. What a gift. 

Miss H isn’t the into introvert her momma is. She’s all ready had more friends in her short life than I likely ever will. She’s so likeable you’d have to be a sociopath to not instantly adore her. 

And yet. Oh, yet. She’s still human. And she’s going to have those forever friends too. And I’m so very happy that I get to watch those relationships blossom. 

I’m so happy to see that at such a young age Miss H all ready knows who (some anyway) of her lifelong peoples are. 

It never fails, whichever parent spends the most time with the kids ultimately ends up being the primary disciplinarian. Not on purpose, but simply because they’re around the most so statistically they’ll be the one there the most to correct.

You know what? It sucks.

There is nothing I loathe more than disciplining my children.

We are primarily non-punitive. We don’t do time-outs or other arbitrary punishments. I do send them to their rooms to read some books or play quietly when they’re clearly overwhelmed with too much togetherness and just cannot summon it within themselves to treat one another lovingly and kindly; but they’re just having quiet time playing. They’re not sitting in a corner “thinking about what they’ve done” (because what kid is actually contemplating their “misbehavior” in time-out?).

We are all about talking and working together over here. I know a lot of people roll their eyes at that. Once upon a time I said, “Gentle hands” and “Hands are for hugging not hitting” so many times I wanted to roll my eyes too. But somehow we all got through that phase in tact and they pretty much know not to hit now; time-outs, being yelled at, and spankings not needed.

But still. B’s always had a temper, and H is so dramatic and sassy. It’s exhausting.

I remind myself daily what my goals are for my children long term, not necessarily today. And just focus on those.

Most of the time it seems like they’re utter angels for J, and absolute hellions for me. But when I break it down, I probably get more sweet angelic moments than he does; I just also get those crazy terrible ones too.

I want so badly for our days to be all sunshine and roses that I have to bite my lip from screaming, “I want to be freaking Miss Honey but you’re all a bunch of baby Trunchbulls making this impossible!” (We are obviously reading Matilda right now.)

On those more stressful, gray-hair-inducing days, I pour a glass of wine and remind myself that they are such precious little gifts. That they’re disciplining me (and by discipline, I mean teaching, always, always, always), just as much as I am them. Which is why it is so very important that I show them immense grace and patience, even when I have to search deep down into my core and muster up the very last slivers I have left in me, because it will always be worth. The pay out will far exceed what I must put forth right now.

But some days it is so challenging. That terrible little monster named Jealousy pokes her head up when I find it seeming like all the time J has with them is fun, and I’m doing all the hard work.

Then I am reminded that it’s not true when I watch him in the throes of it. Baby on his hip, H demanding he help her, B crying for his attention, and him just standing there, needing to get a million other things done. I’m not doing it all alone. Some days are longer than others, but he’s in this just as thick as I am.

It’s not all roses and sunshine. Not even remotely close. But it is all beautiful in its own crazy, chaotic, every-challenging way.

So although I despise the least fun parts of discipline, I just keep reminding myself that I’m helping to model and teach them to be kind and loving little people, and sometimes that means I have to correct and reprimand and have them angry at me, and I have to do it all with patience and gentleness, because we are disciplining for long term results, not punishing for in-the-moment mishaps.

*** The winner of our giveaway for Strengths Based Parenting is Shelley! Thank you all who participated!***

So I had planned on transferring the majority of my old blog over. I mean, there are like 450 posts – that’s a lot of writing.

But as I read through so many of my old posts, I realized that maybe I didn’t want to bring them over.

Let’s just be honest here.

I was a completely different person when that blog started than what I am now.

And I guess that’s the learning part of it.

But geesh. I was downright awful at times.

Five years ago my life was still very black and white. Black and white served me well though, up until that point in my life. It got me where I am. There was always a very clear cut right and wrong for me. In everything.

The idea of there being a gray area, or – gasp – varying shades of gray, was simply unfathomable.

Now, that got me excellent grades in school and helped me find a guy who met my exceedingly high and difficult standards. But if there is nothing else I’ve learned in parenting, it’s that there simply is no black and white.

That doesn’t mean I don’t view a lot of parenting ideals in black and white still. I’m pretty steadfast on many of my views, but there are a lot of things I realize aren’t a big deal.

As I was telling two of my closest friends a few days ago when I asked them how they didn’t tell me how flat out awful I used to be, I commented that H and B are all ready planning Christmas. Yep, in June. They know what gifts they want and what sort of cookies they want to make for Santa. They’ve asked if they can leave the reindeer carrots and a glitter trail to our house. B advised me that the chimney needs cleaned out and that he is certain Santa Claus does not like almond milk.

Guys. Two years ago I’d have been over here all panicky like, “Wheeeeeere did I go wrooooong!? Don’t they know the true meaning of Christmas? Why are they just asking for gifts!? OMG! I didn’t tell them Santa is real! In fact, I flat out told them he is pretend and we read a whole book about the real St. Nicholas. So whyyyyy do they want to make him cookies? And for Pete’s sakes they know reindeer can’t fly, so why would they play into this silliness?”

No joke. That used to be my train of thought.

And now I’m just like, “Cool. Sounds fun. Whatever rocks your boat, kidlets.”

I used to get my panties in a twist over wording. Wording! Of course I don’t bribe my kids! The horror! I explain to them in the step in which things will occur. “First you get in your car seat. Then you get a lollipop.” Let’s just call a spade a spade. “If you get in your carseat without screaming for a fucking hour beforehand, you can have a lollipop. The whole bag if we can drive across town with zero screeching.”

I know that a lot of it is my hardcore perfectionism gene. And I’ve been working on fixing that (but changing your DNA is HARD). But geez. How did I have friends? How did I not completely suffocate my kids in ridiculous, unbridled, never-quite-there perfectionism?

Good grief.

So anyway.

I’m leaving that whole blog up. Peruse it at your leisure. Chuckle at how crazy uptight I once was (and okay, okay, still am in more ways than I truly want to admit). But I’m just going to leave that there and start fresh (though I may pull things over as I see fit).

And we can all just be thankful that over the years I’ve grown. Oh, how I’ve grown. Painfully sometimes. And yet it’s been for the best as it’s all brought me to this very point in time.

Let’s go forward from here, learning from my ridiculous growing pains, and learn together how to raise sweet, caring, well-rounded, open-minded, self-actualized little people who will make the world a truly better place.