Most days are routine; a bit mundane and whole lot of crazy. They’re the kind of days where you take it all for granted and forget for a moment that all your dreams have come true and you are living them.
Mostly because you are exhausted.
Those are the majority of my days. I dislike admitting it; admitting that I take J and our tiny humans for granted more often than I should.
I see the magic and the beauty in the midst of all the chaos. But I don’t always appreciate it.
We are currently on vacation. A much needed vacation.
Sweet M is probably never coming home. He’s found his happy place right on the shore where the waves crash, not fully in the sand or in the water. That’s the in between line of his peoples and he demands I deposit him there and then situate myself near by.
Miss H is a fish. She’s always been a fish. Today she said to me, randomly, “You’re so beautiful, Momma.” And then proceeded to show me her bucket of “beautiful,” broken shells. God knew what He was doing with this girl.
And Mr. B. Oh boy. That boy used to dislike the water, and now you’d never know. He swims like a fish and is more brave than I’d like. But his bravery is what gets him so far in life, so I know I cannot reel him back to squelch my own worries.
I sat in Sweet M’s happy place this evening: the sun setting in the pink sky over the ocean; Miss H and Mr. B jumping through the crashing waves, uninhibited, free, in their own happy bubble, and Sweet M nursing on and off, occasionally sucking the salt off my arm or his fingers. The waves tumbled in around me like the a soothing lullaby written just for my prudent soul.
It was a truly beautiful moment.
Right there in that moment, in that window of time, everything I’ve ever wanted in life was neatly tied up in a bow and put before me in the most beautiful of ways.
Happy, free kids with a relationship with one another that I know time and distance won’t be able to strain in 20 years. They’re the driver of their lives, and they don’t take one another for granted.
Beautiful babe in my arms. The baby my soul yearned for before he could ever even be a possibility.
J was in the condo doing homework; but where our children are, he too always is. He’s so much a part of these tiny people.
And there was me, watching these fabulous people while I sat in a bikini with my stretch-marked covered gut hanging out for the whole world, not giving one single fuck, and loving everything this beautiful moment had to show me.
Not every moment in life gets to be this perfect; but that one was. So I’m going to stick it in my pocket and hold onto it, and pull it out on a rainy day.