No One Ever Does Anything Great Without Being a Little Bit Scared

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This week has been a big deal.

And it’s only Tuesday.

Sunday, my dear, darling boy Mr. B turned 5. I’m not sure why that seems like such a huge milestone, but it does. I’m so happy and so sad. All those 4-year-old moments that I’ll never live through again with him. But so much excitement to watch him grow into the amazing young man he is and will be.

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He’s taking off leaps and bounds with his learning. He’s so eager and happy to sit down and work with me each day. I seriously thought he’d never be able to sit down long enough to pay attention to anything in life, let alone happily do it willingly.

Monday, Sweet M slept 1.5 hours in his crib for a nap, followed by pulling a 5 hour stretch in his crib that night (the fact that it was 7pm-12am, you know, the hours I was still awake, we’ll let slide). Plus, he’s doing this funny lunge/hop thing while trying to crawl. He’s going to be crazy mobile after I blink here in a second.

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Tuesday, oh my. Tuesday. My lovely girl started her first day of school outside of home. So many mixed feelings.

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J and I have always been in agreement that we would meet our kids’ needs, whatever they may be, right where they are at, and that we realize that perhaps they’ll have vastly different needs. Even education-wise. They may each have drastically different learning and educational experiences, and I am okay with that.

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Still.

Six whole hours of my girl somewhere else is rough.

But she was so, so excited to go.

And Mr. B loved getting all the attention at home as we worked on his kindergarten Bookshark curriculum.

So I think it was a win/win all around. Even if I hate that there is someone else out there that can meet Miss H’s needs better than I can right in this moment. I’m just trying to think of this as time I have to better meet my boys’ needs and fill their cups up so full that when Miss H is around they won’t mind if I love on her a little too hard right now. And I’m feeling incredibly grateful that we have the ability to send her to a school that is right for her. I can certainly appreciate that that option is not always available to everyone, and I don’t take that for granted.

I am so happy that my children are thriving and blossoming into these fantastic, inquisitive, attentive, independent little people. But by golly, the feels are so deep and overwhelming at moments.

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This morning, after teasingly saying to M that he’d never grow up and leave me, H assured me that he in fact would.

Why?

As H said, “Because you say we can do anything we want. And Morgan is going to do great things like me. No one ever does anything great without being a little bit scared. And we can’t be a little bit scared if we are always with our mom.”

Whooo boy.

I love who these babies are. I love who they are becoming. I love watching it all and being a part of it all.

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But man. As cliché as it is, time really does fly when you’re having fun. And it flies even quicker once you have kids. I didn’t know time could move this fast.

It’s such a beautiful, exhilarating, terrifying experience: being their momma. Being open to changes. Meeting all of their needs. Accepting the help of others to sometimes do that. Loving them so hard that it means letting go a little bit at times.

But as my own wise little girl said just this morning, I have to be a little bit scared if I’m going to do anything great. And they certainly are great!

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